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Pseudolonewolf`s Avatar I am not dead! Sun 20th Mar 2011 4:50pm

Category: Weekly Updates

Well, uh, hello there.

I've been absent from the internet in general now for two or three weeks, due to what I will cryptically refer to as 'health problems'... I've been wondering whether to go into more detail than that, but I don't really like how people tend to *give advice* whenever I talk about these things.
But hmm, I may as well mention *some* details...

I have anxiety problems, as some of you may already know; at least one anxiety 'disorder' which makes a lot of things more difficult for me than they are for more normal people.
It's the main reason I'm trying to make Flash games at all instead of going to get a 'normal job', since that'd be too difficult for me, or something.
Due to not having strict work hours, and because my work and hobbies being so intermingled, I tend not to take sufficient breaks and I never have time which I can use for just relaxing (mostly I just procrastinate while feeling I should be working, all day every day), which makes the stress build up quite a lot and, uh, I suppose eventually it gets to be too much and I have some kind of *breakdown* or something!

It's happened more than once now, where I've had some kind of severe anxiety attack due to external stimuli stirring up built up stress, and both times it's left me rather 'out of commission' for a while because my mind's in no fit state to really do very much and I need to rest and recover.
It usually strikes at really irritating times, too... ugh.

So anyway, I've spent the last two or three weeks or however long it's been feeling absolutely terrible, constantly anxious, nauseous, etc, unable to properly think and concentrate, and other such fun stuff. I've only been using the internet for talking to my girlfriend; I didn't feel like I could manage checking my messages or anything... D:
I am probably improving now, though it is still difficult for me to be checking my site at all...

Anyway, I don't really want to hear any advice because I know what is wrong and what I need to do to fix it, but sometimes actually doing what's necessary isn't exactly straightforward. I'm making some lifestyle changes to hopefully prevent this from happening again, at least.

Unfortunately, due to all this, I've got basically no work done during my absence, and I remember now how much work I'd set myself in my last few news posts... Hmm.
I don't know how quickly I'll get to any of it, or how much of it I can manage to actually do.

I'll try and write something more positive and exciting in a few days, explaining what I've decided on.

For now, I suppose I'll need to check my emails and my messages here... My memories from before my absence are unclear, but I have the sickening feeling that I've neglected to see to some important stuff regarding Clarence's Big Chance...
I'll try to sort out what I can over the next few days, and hopefully I haven't ruined everything because of this ill-timed anxiety attack. Sigh.


63 Commentson 46 roots

quiznossubs92`s Avatar
Rating Orb quiznossubs92 19 United States MelancholicCholeric 34C 0F
7 years ago | (0)
Well as everyone else has, I send my best wishes towards you. I honestly don't mind it if you're games are coming along a bit slower than you had hoped, however I do miss weekly blog posts and the discussions that are sparked and revolve around them. With only one update this month the site has seemed rather deadish lately /and I'm greatly looking forward to when you're back up and running again so you can continue to entertain us. That's your job right? /endsarcasm
Halo11`s Avatar
Rating Orb Halo11 20 United States 9C 0F
7 years ago | (1)
There is a page for MARDEK on TV Tropes now, there wasn't one last time I checked. [LINK]
Supergnash`s Avatar
Rating Orb Supergnash 18 United Kingdom MelancholicPhlegmatic 354C 145F
7 years ago | (1)
While that is interesting and got me reading for a good few hours(...) it isn't relevant to this blog post. Try and post in the right place next time.
Anyway, I think it is fairly new and can only be good for us here. So yay!
Procyonpi`s Avatar
Rating Orb Procyonpi 19 United States 6C 6F
7 years ago | (2)
Regarding CBC: Greg (the guy who gives games badges over at Kongregate) has said that he wants to give the game badges, but the fact that the game currently lacks retroactive API means that he's reluctant to add them. You might want to look into that, as badges WILL drastically increase your exposure.
Pseudolonewolf`s Avatar
Rating Orb A β Pseudolonewolf 23 United Kingdom MelancholicPhlegmatic 2257C 559F
7 years ago | (3)
Yes, I am aware of this, and I've already made the changes. I don't know when Greg will get around to actually making the badges, though.
poetgriot`s Avatar
Rating Orb poetgriot 21 United States MelancholicCholeric 79C 50F
7 years ago | (8)
Glad your improving, hope your health continues in an upturn.
Aeren`s Avatar
Rating Orb Aeren 24 Belgium MelancholicSanguine 3C 0F
7 years ago | (6)
I hope you manage to fix your anxiety problems. I have mild (very mild) anxiety problems myself, so I can at least start to understand how difficult it must be to cope with it. Long live the wolf!

Oh yes, and I forgot : [advice]This is my advice... ^^[/advice]
Kittyfox`s Avatar
Rating Orb Kittyfox 40 United States MelancholicPhlegmatic 2C 0F
7 years ago | (13)
In my experience, a serious anxiety disorder isn't something that one can really 'fix'. One develops coping strategies and learns to work within the limitations that it creates - much as with any other disability. There are medications that can take some of the edge off, but their efficacy diminishes severely over time; they don't fix the underlying problem, either - merely treat the symptoms.

Offering advice is frequently counterproductive, because without knowing the details of the situation, it becomes impossible to know what has already been ruled out (either by feasibility limitations, or because it's something that has already been tried and shown to be ineffective. This frequently results in the well-meaning advice-givers creating even MORE stress and anxiety on the person they're trying to help: first in reading the advice, then trying to explain why it's not applicable (while trying not to make the person feel bad about their misguided attempt to help); multiply this by the number of people who want to offer advice, and it can spiral out of control VERY quickly - especially for someone who has difficulty interacting with other people in the first place.
Rallik`s Avatar
Rating Orb Rallik 36 Austria 5C 1F
7 years ago | (10)
You're my personal flash game hero, Pseudolonewolf. Maybe it's time to get some rest in your bat... ahm... wolf cave!

Just as long as it takes... ;)
kaizen`s Avatar
Rating Orb kaizen 25 Canada 1C 0F
7 years ago | (8)
I love your work Pseudo and I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. I hope you can work through them and get along happily. You're a credit to the video game and indeed the entertainment world and it would be a great loss to see your works come to and end. All the best.
LizardQueen`s Avatar
Rating Orb LizardQueen 18 Germany MelancholicPhlegmatic 8C 3F
7 years ago | (7)
Get well soon, Even if there always will be some of it left. I hope you can see clear again soon and live all the good sides of life again.
Ooneykcall`s Avatar
Rating Orb Ooneykcall 21 Russia CholericMelancholic 145C 61F
7 years ago | (6)
Oh well! Anyway, you see that many of us do care for your well-being to an extent, although one can say it's purely out of egoism, supposing the community values you as long as you make entertaining games, which, however, clearly isn't true for every member, some seem to be more emotionally invested than that. I suppose your point is, as usual, to let us know what's happening, since you hardly need any support from us (except for several people you're on closer terms with) other than acknowledging that we missed you, are glad you're back now, wish you a good health and sanity, and aren't going to push you to be quicker now. (You'll scold yourself for not being so anyway. D:) Since what I'm saying is fairly generic and barely influential, I won't further bother you.
All-in-all, keep recovering, we all are (I think) happy knowing that you're getting better now!
SilverWind`s Avatar
Rating Orb SilverWind 21 Afghanistan MelancholicCholeric 314C 117F
7 years ago | (17)
Maybe you should make advice tags (<advice></advice>) so that people could give advice if the wanted to. The stuff within the advice tags would be filtered out when viewed by anyone except the person who offered such useful advice.
SilverWind`s Avatar
Rating Orb SilverWind 21 Afghanistan MelancholicCholeric 314C 117F
7 years ago | (14)
RULES said:
Comments of this rating may have broken the rules, may have no care put into their grammar or spelling, or they may have a mildly offensive attitude or something like that.
-1 marks their comment as Below Average and in need of improvement; if you receive ratings of this level or lower, you need to change what you're doing.

So, this has a yellow rating. It was meant for entertainment value, and I cannot see why it would be offensive. The only spelling error I made was when I accidentally left the 'y' off the word 'they'. Thus, unless fighunter has changed so that humor is no longer acceptable, I do not understand the problem with my comment. Please, oh you who find it offensive, enlighten me.
LauraM`s Avatar
Rating Orb LauraM 15 United Kingdom PhlegmaticCholeric 66C 16F
7 years ago | (9)
I'm guessing that the problem was that it was seen as an actual suggestion (e.g that you were asking for him to do even more work) rather than as sarcastic, so you seemed to be ignorant on Pseudo's situation, or something. To make it obvious you're being sarcastic, you could use sarcasm tags ( [sarcasm] [/sarcasm] ). I didn't rate you down, but I'm guessing this is why.
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