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Pseudolonewolf`s Avatar Weekly Update (17/Jan/2010) Sun 17th Jan 2010 9:11pm

Category: Weekly Updates

Well, I've achieved a lot this week, especially today! On MARDEK, that is. I've done most of what needs to be done now; there are only minor things left that need finishing off. I'll give myself a week to do them all, then next Sunday in the Weekly Update I'll start asking for beta testers. Don't volunteer before then because I'll ignore you. I'm also not elaborating on the requisites until next week.
Starting on that Sunday, I'll start playing through the game myself for a week, finding any obvious flaws that need fixing, and then I'll start the beta testing (after choosing people) at the beginning of February... unless something horribly wrong happens between now and then.

I'm actually surprised at my progress in the last two or three days. I finished a load of writing that I thought would take a week... It was rather easy once I got into it. I wish I could work like that more often...
And then not only that, but I also finished the next three days worth of tasks within an hour or two! It wasn't difficult, since I planned the timetable with procrastination in mind; I spread out easy tasks since I knew I'd just waste loads of time...

So, uh... yes. MARDEK 3 is almost done now. Exciting, eh?!?1/

Also, I wrote about considering getting a console a while ago, but that never seemed to end up going anywhere (like with a lot of things I announce, like the Reviews thing, the Tutorials thing, the Yalortism site... I'll get to them all one day!).
I've been thinking about it again lately, though, and I'm considering getting a Wii, of all things. I don't even LIKE most Wii games, since they're all casual and Nintendo stuff, mostly designed for *family fun* or at least to be played with friends, or they're all sporty and so on...
But the reason I want it is because of the EXERCISE factor. The only thing I'd probably get would be that 'Wii Fit' thing, maybe... I don't exactly have money to throw away on other games that I might not like, after all.
My life is pathetic, as it is, at the moment, since I work at home from the computer and don't NEED to go out for any reasons ever (since I live with my parents and my mother does the shopping), and I have no in-person friends since I moved back from Australia at that awkward time a year or two ago (after university, so it's hard to for me to meet anyone)...
I spend basically all my time sitting in this chair, staring at this screen, and though I keep intending to go for walks, it's so easy to put it off, especially since I'm at least somewhat agoraphobic due to my anxiety disorder and, uh... As you can clearly see, I'm such a normal, normal, healthy, normal person with no problems at all!1! o_O
ANYWAY. I've always rather wanted an exercise machine or something, since it'd mean I could get exercise without having to go out. It's just easier, and I don't need to worry about getting too tired while far from home and having to trudge tediously all the way back (or, even worse, getting lost), since I can just stop whenever I've had enough. I also don't have to worry about the judging looks of strangers (and they DO look since I look so odd)...
A Wii right beside me here would be ideal, I'd think, yet it's a lot of money to just buy on a whim, considering the amount of money I actually make (I'm hoping my earnings will increase a lot when I release MARDEK 3)...
So, uh... I'm just stating this, really, and sort of anxiously and with reluctance because I really don't want people to tell me about their experiences with Wiis in regard to exercise, especially Wii Fit (I am dreading loads of people saying 'Wii Fit isn't that good' or 'I have a Wii but it doesn't offer me much of a workout' or things like that which I rather don't want to hear for some reason?)... I also don't want everyone suggesting Wii games to me that I'd not be interested in. Or something.
(So what CAN people say? o_O)

I'm really looking forward to when I can be done with MARDEK 3 for good. I really, really am... I'm looking forward to its release more than anyone!
If only that desire could make me work on it constantly though... o_O

As I wrote in the, uh, Twitter-like thing (whatever it's called... 'Recent Progress'?), I went through my old notebooks and looked at all the items on To Do Lists that still need doing, and I compiled them all into a single list in Word. It's... long.
There are approximately 180 items on it... o_O
I've done 16 of them so far, in half a day. They're all short things, but they're also mostly unappealing things (which is why they're still left over). I can do most of them in a week, I think; they're all that needs doing before the game is fully finished.
Only 40 of the remaining ones are *necessary* for me to finish before testing though; the rest are mainly just cosmetic fixes or details which aren't necessary for the game to run, and I'll do them during beta testing.

I think this is adequate for now, what I've written here!
I'll continue to update the Recent Progress thing, so, uh, look at that if you're curious!


92 Commentson 45 roots

Ferdin01`s Avatar
Rating Orb ! Ferdin01 16 Romania MelancholicCholeric 16C 27F
8 years ago | (10)
Where are the new recent progress? Sorry for this.
Ferdin01`s Avatar
Rating Orb ! Ferdin01 16 Romania MelancholicCholeric 16C 27F
8 years ago | (10)
Where is the news recent progress? Today is Sunday. Mardek 3 is still 97%. o_0
Rating Orb TRICKSTR KING 13 United States CholericSanguine 255C 12F
8 years ago | (9)
Wow! I've been gone a long time. I can't believe all the progress you've made, Pseudo. I hope you get the excercise you're looking for on the Wii. Plus Mardek 3 is almost finished! If I were you I'd feel pretty full of myself by the time it's done. Well I'm signing off! Good-Bye and GOOD LUCK!!!
MegiddoRain`s Avatar
Rating Orb MegiddoRain 16 United States MelancholicSanguine 8C 0F
8 years ago | (7)
Hi Pseudo. I've never done this sort of thing before, but my friend Nico_DeMagio, ( a long time user of this site,) showed me the website and since then I've been very interested in what you do. As a social reject, due to my mental instability, I only have a few REAL friends. But, I realize that you can have REAL friends online, as long as you don't let them use and/or walk all over you. Also Nico and I have worked on a lot of gaming endeavors ourselves. It is hard. Best of luck good sir! YALORT is amazing
Ferdin01`s Avatar
Rating Orb ! Ferdin01 16 Romania MelancholicCholeric 16C 27F
8 years ago | (12)
I'm glad to see that Mardek is getting close to being finished! I feel a bit bad since I've been occupied with other things in life, I haven't been able to watch the progress of how things have been going on here... Still 3% and is out.
Kazurin`s Avatar
Rating Orb Kazurin 18 Norway MelancholicSanguine 33C 153F
8 years ago | (9)
Long time no see, Pseudolonewolf!

I'm not sure the whole Wii idea is going to work. I got a Wii myself for similar reasons and I haven't used it in years. Part of the reason for buying it was financial, not wanting to waste a lot of money, but it seems I've wasted more on purchasing a console with very, very few good games on it. As for the fitness games, I've had something similar and it worked out terribly. Wii Fit does seem much superior to it and I think it might be "agoraphobia-friendly".

This is the reason I'm not so sure about itm though. Throughout the period I've been visiting this site (though not necessarily participating that much), I've gone through a process of social maturing. I was in a psychiatric ward for 3 months due to depression caused by stress and lack of human interaction. Now, I have a close group of friends that do not feel limiting or unnatural, but supportive and I have not lost my "uniqueness" and intelligence that I always feared losing by becoming happier. In fact, I got top scores for all my semester exams, even though I spent the whole study period with friends. o.0 It must be great having your own site where you are respected for who you are, creatively and intellectually, but it can't fulfill every need. If you remember me, you must know that I have the greatest respect for you, and that I intend every criticism to be constructive. In fact, your hermit-like qualities are partly responsible for my attraction to this site. That said, you need to get out more.

For many (me included), talking to strangers can be hard. An organised setting, such as school, can force the initiation of interaction. Going to the gym can perhaps be one such activity. Taking some form of classes, joining clubs are ways of seeking contact without being in an inferior position, ie. you don't seem desperate, which is something I often felt.

If you're struggling to make ends meet, a part-time job could be the ideal proposition: you get social contact, money and possibly even excercise, depending on the job. Many artists need additional jobs to stay alive and for you, it would serve yet anotherfunction - structure. You yourself have complained about how it is difficult to work well when you are free to do whatever you want, so I would consider it something to... uh, consider.
Pseudolonewolf`s Avatar
Rating Orb A β Pseudolonewolf 23 United Kingdom MelancholicPhlegmatic 2257C 559F
8 years ago | (7)
Yes, I do remember you...

And I've already considered all those things many times, since fair-minded people suggest them to me quite often. But the fact that I've not gone through with any of them shows that I have reasons for not doing...

I would LIKE some friends, but I would not like *any old people* to be my friends because they would be more stress CAUSERS than stress RELIEVERS if they were the 'wrong sorts of people'. The RIGHT sorts of people probably don't exist... especially not at the age I'm at now.
I'd love to be in school again just so then it'd probably be easier to find people to talk to... I've also often considered going to university again (I never finished the course I did in Australia since I left the country), and it may be something I'll do in the future, just for the sake of meeting people more than for the sake of learning.

My situation is particularly difficult though because I moved countries at really horrible, unfortunate times. I wasn't a complete loner in school... In school in the UK, I actually had some friends that I liked a lot and used to see outside school and so on, willingly, since we'd grown up together. But then at age 13 I was forced to go and move to Australia, to a much smaller CHRISTIAN school, and the culture shock was huge and though I managed to eventually make friends with some people, they were not the sorts of people I liked at all... They were just the all-male 'social rejects', you could say; the weirdos, the 'ew, THOSE guys?' that nobody else would associate with. Still, it was better than nothing and everyone else seemed like social sporty extroverts anyway (Australia is full of those)... who were strongly Christian to boot.
Anyway, I knew these people into my university years even though only one went to the same university as I and did the same course... It was better than not knowing anyone.
But then I had to move AGAIN, back to the UK, so I lost all my connections to anyone and at a time in my life when it was most difficult to meet anyone at all. And I'm still not familiar with the culture here even though it's where I grew up (well, sort of; I'm in WALES now whereas I grew up in ENGLAND, and there are significant differences, like the *language* for one thing)...

The only options for me are horribly unappealing.
I can't just go out onto the street and talk to strangers.
I would never want to be friends with the sort of person who goes to gyms... Or bars or clubs, for that matter (other people have suggested those before).
People keep suggesting I join the other type of club, where people with a similar interest gather together, but it's easier to suggest that than to actually make it a reality since it's not like everyone just knows a list of all the *clubs* in a region or anything... Also, there's the high chance that it'd just cause me more stress than it'd relieve; there are no particular interests I have that I would want to join a *club* devoted to.
I work with Flash games because the idea of getting any job with *real people* at all is something that I dread like my own execution or something; I couldn't do it, for more reasons I'd care to go into detail about. I'm desperately trying to do this Flash stuff to make money, and hoping strongly that my parents (who I still live with) will never force me to get a 'normal job', a part-time one... So it's far from an *ideal* scenario because I'm not 'normal' enough for it. Otherwise I'd have had jobs for years now, like everyone else my age.

I currently think that my girlfriend's twice-a-year month-and-a-half-long visits are adequate enough, since I actually like being around her and when we're together, I get a LOT of human interaction there...

(Hmm... I notice you changed your temperament to sanguine, which seems unlikely to me unless you've had some kind of surgery or brain damage or something; being social doesn't mean that you're 'sanguine'... unless you always were but only changed it now.)
FrayedKnot`s Avatar
Rating Orb FrayedKnot 40 United Kingdom 7C 1F
8 years ago | (9)
I thought when I read your list of goals for the year - twenty or long, wasn't it? - that you had set yourself a mountain to climb. Now I appreciate that right now you are working flat out on finishing M3 (I'm a former software writer myself and and very familiar with the interminable 'last few bits' phase of a project), but you are going to have to bite that bullet and force yourself out that door if you are going to do some of them. Ok, you could theoretically do the whole lot indoors, but you have said on numerous occasions how you ought to go out more and how you'd like some real friends. That's not going to happen ever unless you er... go out.

I can't believe that there is no local art group or music society near you (even in Wales!) People there are likely to be more mature and, one would hope, a little less judgemental of your appearance than your peers. Also, art groups especially tend to be very informal gatherings where no one minds who turns up. If even that is too much social interaction then you could just take yourself to a concert or art exhibition, where there's no need to talk to anyone.

Yes it may be horrible and uncomfortable to begin with, but remember that no one is going to sort this out for you. You have to do it yourself. This is a lesson that everyone has to understand at some point in their life. Fulfilment doesn't just happen. It will never just land in your lap. It takes effort, sometimes a very great deal of effort, however the sense of achievement you get is wonderful, and all the greater the more you had to try.

You will, of course, know this already, having completed several games, and I hope that when you finish M3 you reward yourself with a very big treat indeed. To push yourself out of your comfort zone and try new things will require courage and perseverance, but please please please please try.
1 Reply
Kazurin`s Avatar
Rating Orb Kazurin 18 Norway MelancholicSanguine 33C 153F
8 years ago | (7)
I would guess your primary demotivator for going to university is financial. I'm not familiar with the British scholarship system, but there's always the option of studying abroad, too. University still seems like the best option, from my limited perspective. Here are my two suggestions (if they're any help):

1. Education thingy.
There is one thing that would be perfect, though. In Norwegian, it is known as "folkehøgskole", meaning "people's 'high' school". It is a one-year course in a field that gives you college credit, but basically functions as an organised gap year (there are no age limits, though. There's even a seniors one!). I'm doing it next year, taking acting for movies and music (I've changed significantly in terms of behaviour, but done so by exposing repressed sides rather than changing as a "person"), but the courses vary from dog-sledding and polar photography to video game production, programming and Norwegian for foreigners. Everyone I've talked to refers to it as the best year of their life and what they praise the most is the social aspect. A friend of mine, both intellectual and intelligent, is studying culture, philosophy and society at Nansenskolen and claims to never have seen so many smart and interesting people in one place. They typically cost around £10 000 with everything included. I don't know if there's an equivalent in the UK, though... Here's the URL to the English version of the Norwegian page, though, if you're interested.


2. Employment.
Yes, it's demanding and I do realise why you live the lifestyle you do, but it would get you physically out of your house, add some level of structure to your daily life, be a more reliable source of income than Flash games and the level of social contact depends on the job and is thus flexible. Then again, I'm not aware of these reasons you don't care to go into detail about. Kinda hard to give advice with such limited information, but no pain no gain is tragically often the reality we live in.

As for the going to the gym, it would not be to make friends. Simply being around people can be helpful and excercise is proven to increase serotonin levels and spread endorphins, making you happy and whatnot. Body image does have a significant impact on how you feel about yourself (and how others see you). Knowing you, you don't want to be appreciated based on appearances, but it's sadly a factor that influences first appearances and all that jazz.

And the status change - it is hard to limit oneself to even two temperaments and if you look at the different types (the "four humours" exist in a LOT of cultures and psychological theories with many overlaps and contradictions. Each is its own standard and it's certainly no absolute). Internally, I've changed little. I'm just as cynical as before and few of my views or values have changed. The experience of things are better, though, which have altered my behaviour. There's no such thing as a human in his "natural environment", after all. A flower's growth will depend on the air, soil and organic life in the area. The temperaments have their flaws and there absoluteness leads to overly specific conclusions. If I was in a great deal of doubt about which to choose, there would be no need for "surgery or brain damage or something" to make me change temperament.

Hmm, have you ever consider whether you should be diagnosed with Asperger's? Got that diagnosis in "the ward" and it explains a great deal of my tragic and miserable childhood. Ca. 1/4 of all "Aspies" manage to compensate fully for their lacking social insticts and I'm one of those. My brother is tragically not and you share some of the typical symptoms.
2 Replies
DetroitLionsFan`s Avatar
Rating Orb DetroitLionsFan 16 United States PhlegmaticSanguine 188C 99F
8 years ago | (9)
Hmm...No news on the twitter-like recent progress bar. I have a bad feeling about this. Or maybe the swarm of small tasks is too meaningless to be posted! Either way, it seems that there would be more recent progress. (gulps)
leavescat`s Avatar
Rating Orb leavescat 19 United States MelancholicSanguine 11C 1F
8 years ago | (10)
Another thought, you might be able to get the Raider series on WiiWare too. Other extremely hard platformers have made it on wiiware such as Megaman 9&10 and Castlevania: The adventure rebirth, so that precident has been set. You were complaining earlier about getting sponsors for that series, maybe this would help.
black magechill`s Avatar
Rating Orb black magechill 14 United States CholericMelancholic 398C 134F
8 years ago | (9)
I have Wii fit, and the Yoga bit is a little bit boring, but it's probably because I don't really like Yoga or the stretches. The balance games are entertaining and help with posture, and the cardio stuff is pretty good. And, of course there are other good games for the Wii, such as LEgend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (The game is a bit meh, lacking sidequest to upgrade EVERYTHING like in a few other Zelda games I've played, but the boss fights are pretty solid.), and some other stuff I haven't played.
shadow`s Avatar
Rating Orb shadow 15 United States MelancholicCholeric 40C 5F
8 years ago | (3)
okay firstly, he specifically said that he *didn't* want suggestions for games. I know I'm speaking for him, which probably bugs you and might bug him, but seriously. We went over all this when he posted the comment about him getting a console the FIRST time. and secondly, did you actually say that the boss fights are solid? they SUCK. They are what I call 'puzzle bosses', meaning once you find the (obvious) weak point, there is no challange whatsoever. The best LoZ game I've played so far is Ocarina of Time for the N64.
black magechill`s Avatar
Rating Orb black magechill 14 United States CholericMelancholic 398C 134F
8 years ago | (0)
I enjoyed most of the boss fights, though some were terrible reskins.It was more about using puzzle elements in battle, like you wouldn't use them. (i.e, using clawshot to grab the eye, using a boomerang to get bombs to be able to damage the boss, I like the concept and most of the playing.) My only problem was that sidequest bit I mentioned. There was almost no way to upgrade stuff, like in Minish Cap (First game I ever got 100% completion on, ever). And the other stuff you mentioned was due to me not reading the comment, because I don't read any comments except for the ones I receive.
leavescat`s Avatar
Rating Orb leavescat 19 United States MelancholicSanguine 11C 1F
8 years ago | (5)
I'd have to say that not ALL the wii games are casual family-type games, you just have to know where to look. Anyway, have you ever considered getting the Mardek series on the Wii's Wiiware or Xbox arcade or something like that? It would get you some more money, and increase the number of people playing these games. I always thought that your games were console-quality.
Marvelousmoo`s Avatar
Rating Orb Marvelousmoo 17 United States MelancholicPhlegmatic 189C 49F
8 years ago | (5)
The only problem with this idea is that he might not actually make money. Ive heard that since most people don't download games from 3rd party developers, the developers can actually loose money in the process. You may be thinking that at least one person will buy the game, meaning profit, but that is not the case. Nintendo wants their share of the loot too and so sometimes, the money made never ends up in the developers hand. To make money, many people would have to buy the game. I don't know how xbox live is, I just know this about Wiiware.
Mortech`s Avatar
Rating Orb Mortech 18 United States PhlegmaticCholeric 226C 101F
8 years ago | (7)
leavescat`s Avatar
Rating Orb leavescat 19 United States MelancholicSanguine 11C 1F
8 years ago | (4)
Ah. didn't realize that there already was a comment thread on this.
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